Complete Emotional Meltdown

April 4, 2022

What is an Emotional Meltdown? For those that don’t know, I’m glad you asked. Here is what an emotional meltdown is:

“An emotional meltdown is the result of severe, overwhelming emotional distress. Symptoms can range from undisciplined moaning and weeping or uncontrollable rage. It can also be more prolonged, lead to depression and severe anxiety, and cause your moods to swing wildly.” – College of Allied Educators.

Having an emotional meltdown has happened to me more in the last week than in my entire lifetime. I think back to yesterday, and I completely lost my whole emotions after a week of trying to stay calm. Last week, I stayed depressed and had anxiety about someone I care (feeling or showing concern for or kindness to others) for so much. The problem is that the person supposed to support the person with depression should be composed. That’s me. But I failed at it. So I guess my question is, how did I fail at supporting someone with depression when I have depression to deal with? Should I have gotten involved or stayed out of it? I’ve been reading about it, and here is what I found from the Mayo Clinic.

Learn the symptoms of depression

Depression signs and symptoms vary from person to person. They can include:

  • Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness, or hopelessness
  • Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies, or sports
  • Insomnia or sleeping too much
  • Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort.
  • Changes in appetite — reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
  • Anxiety, agitation, or restlessness
  • Slowed thinking, speaking, or body movements.
  • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or blaming yourself for things that aren’t your responsibility.
  • Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions, and remembering things.
  • Frequent or recurrent mention of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts, or suicide
  • Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches

When I saw this, I had to think about what I was learning. From a distance, what can I detect? I didn’t notice anything from this list. It’s something completely different from what I saw. It’s been four and a half years, and when I first saw it, I knew it then. I didn’t want to reach out because I’ve been through what he went through but in different situations. I left it alone. But sometimes, you have to reach out. Your heart is more significant than your ego. My problem is that I don’t know how to handle depression myself, so why try to bring someone else’s problems when you are barely deal with your own? Instead of helping, I made things worse myself. There were many things during the time that I failed to recognize.

  1. Shutting out the world is common among depressed people. That is definitely me.
  2. Losing a friend that you were friends with for years can strain you. You do not want to talk to people. That is me as well.
  3. Starting a new relationship takes a ton of time. You must develop patience. This is where I fail at.

As I kept reading, I saw a small section on how to self-care.

What you can do for yourself:

  • Learn about depression. The better you understand what causes depression, how it affects people, and how it can be treated, the better you’ll be able to talk to and help the person you care about.
  • Take care of yourself. Supporting someone with depression isn’t easy. Ask other relatives or friends to help, and take steps to prevent becoming frustrated or burned out. Find your own time for hobbies, physical activity, friends, and spiritual renewal.
  • Finally, be patient. Depression symptoms do improve with treatment, but it can take time. Finding the best treatment may require trying more than one type of medication or treatment approach. For some people, symptoms quickly improve after starting treatment. For others, it will take longer.

This past week, I lost control of who I am. I lost control of my emotions. So there is nothing on this list that I did right. Everything I did wrong was all because of my depression, anxiety, and feelings. I didn’t want to eat; I didn’t want to talk to nobody. All I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and lay there. When I care for someone, I care too hard, sometimes the worst feeling. But also, it is a good thing for the right person. Depression is not about you, it is about that person, and I did not make it. I made it about me, and that’s where I also failed. Learning about depression is so real; it is so necessary. Going in, I had no idea it would be this hard. Friends, when I say it is hard, don’t take it lightly. As a depressed person, I thought I knew this. Well, I was wrong. As a result of my bad behavior, I allowed a person to shut the world out, and I don’t know how to correct it or if I can ever fix it.

But here is why I still get out of bed in the morning. My niece. As an Uncle, she is watching me. I have to be strong regardless, letting her know that this can’t defeat me. I don’t want her to have the same idea to think to give up when it is the time for that. When I’m hurting, I pick up the pieces and move on. She will see mistakes; that’s what I want, but I also want her to correct those mistakes. Dig deep when she wants to learn something. My meltdown on social media was not what I expected. My purpose was to find out how I am a horrible person. What did I do to get stood up for days in a row? I’ll probably never know. As I learn more about myself, one way of coping with my stress is writing it out. I didn’t start this blog to do just devotionals but other things that help with my anxiety. And believe me, I am stressed to the core. My body aches, I can’t focus, and it is hard to do things I want to do. Typing this blog is a start. If I could take something back, I would. I have to learn and move on.

What did I learn?

I am not okay, and that’s fine. I’ll still push through each day to achieve goals. All I can do is wait, and soon as he does reach out, I can tell you I will be there every second of the day. I will put aside everything that has to be done for that day to make time for my friend. That’s what friends do. It is not about having time; it’s about making the time. I’m willing to make time rather if I have it or not. It’s not about me, regardless of how my brain tries to make it. I learned that I have my problems with depression and anxiety through all this. At this point, I’m not sure if I know that this is not a caring issue with my emotional meltdown. Maybe I am being selfish, inconsiderate, and not understanding the situation.

What else did I learn and still learning?

I have to better manage stress and anxiety. I have to learn and practice more patience. It will not work out the first time you start a relationship. I’ve been self-educating myself on beginning relationships and dealing with stress and anxiety. At first, I didn’t think I was stressed. It wasn’t until late last week that I noticed that my dog stayed with me in my room throughout the day while I was working. I knew I was stressed then. He can sense it and would abide by the chair all day long. That’s precisely what he did. I knew I had to start with coping with my stress. This blog was the start of that. Reading was another. The article I read will be on the resources page on the website. Yes, I just created it today to put a website link on it for someone that requested it a website link to advocate for the LGBTQ community. Meanwhile, depression and anxiety are real. I encourage anyone trying to help someone with it to read the article I am putting on the website’s resources page.

Until then, stay productive, yall. Be safe!

-Darren

Author: Darren Watts

My name is Darren. I started sharing devotions in June 2019. As one of the ministry leaders at my church. One reason why I started devotions is because of the lack of inspiration and motivation in our lives. It is hard to be encouraged with a lot of negativity going around. I invite you to be encouraged by the word of God. Our struggles can be personal, at the workplace, and the lack of community in our lives. When we go through hard times, we need the word of God. Please read them and be encouraged. I also started a podcast talking about racism and discrimination. Please take a moment to check that out as well. Afternoon Coffee Break with Darren Watts.

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